Gutmann Sound Wave Therapy
2008-01-30 07:06:13
cryptography
Reading through the crypto list today I came across some posts regarding Gutmann Sound Wave Therapy. The relevant bit is below.
Whenever someone thinks that they can replace SSL/SSH with something much better that they designed this morning over coffee, their computer speakers should generate some sort of penis-shaped sound wave and plunge it repeatedly into their skulls until they achieve enlightenment.
Another post suggested the term should be popularised and made to be something sales people fear, even without truly understanding it. Not one to sit on my laurels when I can find work for other people Evan and I started work straight away on the Mobile Enlightenment Unit. If you couldn't be bothered with the hi-res image the sales pitch is below.
Do you know a programmer who believes they can write a replacement for SSL in the time it takes to finish their coffee?
Tell tale signs are phrases such as 'proprietary crypto' and 'secret algorithm'.
Simply apply the Gutmann Sound Wave Therapy Mobile Enlightenment Unit, stand back, wait and breath a sigh of relief - you've just made the world a better place.
I would like everyone to ignore, for the moment, the scientifically impossibly shaped audio wave, the instructions on it's requirement for the therapy are quite explicit. In fact if someone could come up with an equation to create a waveform that even closely resembles a penis that would be great too.
Also, sorry to all the people who usually read this and have no idea what I've been going on about.
Whenever someone thinks that they can replace SSL/SSH with something much better that they designed this morning over coffee, their computer speakers should generate some sort of penis-shaped sound wave and plunge it repeatedly into their skulls until they achieve enlightenment.
Another post suggested the term should be popularised and made to be something sales people fear, even without truly understanding it. Not one to sit on my laurels when I can find work for other people Evan and I started work straight away on the Mobile Enlightenment Unit. If you couldn't be bothered with the hi-res image the sales pitch is below.
Do you know a programmer who believes they can write a replacement for SSL in the time it takes to finish their coffee?
Tell tale signs are phrases such as 'proprietary crypto' and 'secret algorithm'.
Simply apply the Gutmann Sound Wave Therapy Mobile Enlightenment Unit, stand back, wait and breath a sigh of relief - you've just made the world a better place.
I would like everyone to ignore, for the moment, the scientifically impossibly shaped audio wave, the instructions on it's requirement for the therapy are quite explicit. In fact if someone could come up with an equation to create a waveform that even closely resembles a penis that would be great too.
Also, sorry to all the people who usually read this and have no idea what I've been going on about.